Excited (and scared)
Annie & Alison Newsletter #16
“And I know things now
Many valuable things
That I hadn't known before”
There I stood, alone in the center spotlight, singing these words to a packed auditorium. I wore a white linen dress draped with a furry red cape. I felt electric, alive.
It was 2008 and I was Little Red Ridinghood in Stephen Sondheim’s musical, “Into the Woods.” In her big number, “I Know Things Now,” Red explains how she used to live care-free and unafraid. She loved to stop and pick the flowers. Then one day, the Big Bad Wolf lured her in with false kindness. And as we all know, things didn’t turn out so well.
Red tells us how her worldview has been utterly shaken. She’s not a child anymore; she can no longer trust the flowers and her cape will not protect her like she thought. Now she knows that “nice is different than good.”
There’s one lyric from this song that I think/say/sing practically every day. It’s when Red says she feels both “excited and scared.” (The music score actually marks a brief pause between “excited” and “and scared,” which tells the audience that associating these two feelings with one another is new for her.)
While Red’s solo marks a loss of innocence, it also signals maturity. Now she understands that emotions aren’t straightforward. The thrill of adventure can also include fear over how it might go awry. Life is more complicated than she thought; dueling feelings can coexist.
I used to feel sad for Red. But now, I think that learning to embrace the nuances of our emotions isn’t just part of growing up, it’s part of living a fuller life. When I lean into emotional complexity, my life is richer for it. I’m forced to remain fully present. I grow in my capacity for empathy and the tedious balance between sorrow and hope.
Honestly, I’m excited AND scared all the time! Aren’t you? Isn’t that sort of beautiful?
I’m always excited about cooking. And sometimes scared about how I might mess it up (which I do! and I still do it anyway!). This week’s truly delicious reviewed recipes:
84 recipes cooked, 141 to go.
During this week of cooking…
I learned… all about haloumi! It’s a semi-hard, unripened cheese made from a mixture of goat's and sheep's milk. It has a high melting point, which makes it perfect for frying or grilling. I seared ‘em like tiny steaks! Haloumi is also quite salty, which makes pairing it with drizzled honey and toasted pistachios a brilliant combination. The cheese steaks should be served on their own (no crackers required) and right off the pan. Let the cheese cool too much, and it loses some of its magic.
I watched… Encore! My parents and sister encouraged me to watch this one-season show on Disney+. Each episode, the producers reunite an old high school musical ensemble to re-stage the show they did 15-25 years ago. They have 5 days to re-learn the script and choreography, all the while coming to terms with how much they’ve changed (or haven’t) since high school. It’s a sweet show. In my obviously humble opinion, they really should have asked our Into the Woods cast to reunite for an episode. We would have made great television.
I read… this article about the books that changed Alice Waters’ life. The books someone treasures tell us so much about them.
I want to leave you with an excerpt from my favorite Rainer Maria Rilke poem, “Go to the Limits of your Longing.” These two lines stop me in my tracks every time I read them:
“Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.”
xo,
Annie
